On fear
On fear

On fear

There are still ghosts in my head
wearing your face
without having
ripped it off
And they’re asking
on your behalf
« Who are you?
How dare you
care for me? »

I could start convusing
from being alive,
if I don’t have you to cool me down;
I’ll overwhelm myself
with the feelings I already feel,
when you’re so alive it hurts.
And they still will be here

I can be brave
not for you
– maybe a little bit for you –
but for myself
If I get out of this torn apart
– wich I will, eventually –
I can afford it
as long as I’ve got this
as long as I’ve got my badass
I can be brave for her

It still happens, you know
when I wake up and I think
« there is this much beauty
and kindness and light in the world »
and you make me smile

I did not see you grow
but I can tell by your path
the little movements
when you speak
I feel you

I can be brave enough
not to run away
it wouldn’t be protecting me at all anyway,
would it?
I know what it is
to carry your heart broken
at the same time.
Running doesn’t help
and walking away
even less.

I could do that, though,
carving feelings around you like you’re not here
like they’re the real art
like they’re all that matters
I wouldn’t even
need you, then
We’d be all together
And I’d go back to my writing
pretending that was work
all along,
and nothing else.

I could
if they convinced me to

But still
you should know
you’re amongst the ones